There's an elephant in the room.

At work. In a meeting. I am fully engaged in the current discussion about our upcoming collections key trends.

Look at me. I'm Smiling. I'm Laughing. I'm "Normal".

This is what you see.

This is what I want you to see.

What you don't see is that I am having another full blown panic attack. While we are discussing the best shade of blue to pair with red, I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not going to die at this very moment, that I am not loosing my mind.

But you don't see that.

You don't see the giant elephant sitting on my chest making it hard for me to breath. The inside of my head feels like two dozen cats are hysterically clawing curtains. My thoughts are racing in circle like hundreds of dogs are chasing their tails. My eyesight has gone so blurry that I feel like I'm scuba diving without goggles. My heart is beating so fast you would think I just finished running a marathon. I'm loosing all sensations in my arms and legs. I can't get up. What's wrong with me! The more I analyze my symptoms the more fuel I add to the inexistent fire create by the one and only, ME!

Did anybody notice?!...no, I don't think so.

I should win an Oscar for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. "Supporting" my every day anxiety that is.

Since this is not my first panic attack and probably not the last, I have gathered many tricks over the years that help me overcome these feelings. Count backwards skipping 3, sing a song (in your head especially during a meeting, if not risking of looking like you really lost your mind), distract your brain, don't fight it, let the attack run it's course...I know them all, but for some reason they keep sneaking up on me.

"Fight or flight", what am I fighting? The color blue?!

As usual, after seconds, minutes or sometimes even hours, everything is over. No more elephant. No more fire. I "survived" yet another panic attack! Hurray I'm alive!

Although I'm exhausted as if I've been training for Ninja Warrior, but I'm alive.

Let's continue this exhilarating discussion on colors. Where were we...oh yes, the perfect shade of blue.

This is me. This is you. This is all of us. Women, Mothers, Wives. We are "Undercover Anxiety in High Heels".